By: Mari Deene: Every so often, I hear from someone who finally got very tired of waiting for a commitment or an engagement, and so they ended their relationship or pushed their significant other away. A lot of the time, this person waited for quite a while and had an enviable amount of patience. It was only when it appeared that a commitment wasn’t forthcoming that they walked away. And to be honest, they only walked away because they felt that they had no other choice. So perhaps they worked hard to raise their resolve when they had to. They thought that they were making the only decision that they could at the time.
But sometimes, they tend to doubt this decision when they suspect that their significant other has begun seeing someone else. That is when the doubt and the regret can set in. You might hear: “one of my co workers just told me that she saw my ex boyfriend having lunch with another girl. We’ve been broken up for four weeks. I ended it because we dated for four years and he never proposed, even though he knew that is what I desperately wanted. I repeatedly told him that I could not be single for life. And he didn’t budge. I know he loved me. And I loved him deeply. It broke my heart to end it. But I thought that it was the right decision. Now I’m not so sure. The thought of him being with someone else or moving on is almost more than I can stand. Did I make a mistake?”
Only you can answer that. But your reaction is telling. Generally, when people know that they have done the right thing, they do not feel regret. The good news is that you can’t be sure that your ex boyfriend has met the love of his life. That’s highly doubtful, seeing as he just ended a four year relationship. There is every possibility that the girl was a friend, classmate, or co worker. It could have been totally platonic. And even if it was a date, how serious could it really be?
If this is really upsetting you, then you could always call him and just feel out the situation. Sometimes, we have the opportunity to undo situations that we later determined were mistakes. This might be one of those opportunities.
The first step is to ask yourself how you truly feel. Were you just reacting to the idea of him being with someone else? Will the feeling eventually pass? Or is this your heart’s way of telling you that you can’t stand him being with someone else and that you want him back? That’s a decision that you have to make. But ultimately, this decision will lead to your next step.
If you determine that you want to reconcile, then you’ll need to decide on the best way of doing that. If he’s open to a reconciliation, I would take it very slowly so that you both feel confident that it is right. And then you’ll need to decide how you want to approach the commitment topic. I wouldn’t “go there” right away. I would give the relationship time to become stable again.
And once you are stable, this doesn’t mean that you need to give up on marriage. You just may have to change your approach a bit.
This a good video discuss this alternative approach on the right side of this blog.